Time and Change

It's hard to believe it's nearly September. The Summer is all but gone, the Holidays are coming up fast. I only went to the beach twice, I didn't go to the pool at all.

This is how it's been for me the past five years or so. The time has gone by so quickly. Steph's been married for four years; Josiah will be a year old in November; I'll be 18 in December; Josh will be 15 (and driving...yikes).

Mom and I will be going up to Tennessee soon to "scope things out." I don't know how we will move in less than 18 months. There's so much to do. I wish we could all go up together, at the same time. I will miss Steve and Stephanie and Josiah terribly... yes, terribly. But God is making it so clear it's what we're supposed to do.

I was born here, in this very house. I don't know any other place. Yet, I feel like a stranger ... because I am one. I will never feel at home in this world. But, at least I can go be where there are other people who are waiting to go home, who aren't storing up treasures on earth. I know Knoxville isn't going to be the Promised Land, but surely it's better than the San Francisco of the Gulf Coast (okay, I'm exaggerating a little there). We won't know until we're there.

This whole thing is slowing sinking in, creeping up on me little by little each day... we're going to be leaving this place, possibly never to come back. You just don't know what you have until you lose it. Yet, it seems that the positives outweigh the negatives, if only in weight and not size.

I remember the illustration my Sunday school teacher gave one time: She took a jar and filled it with rice, which represented all of our own dreams, desires, and plans. Then she tried to put some walnuts in the jar, which represented God's plans and will for our lives. The nuts didn't fit, because she had put the rice in first. Then she poured the rice out, put the walnuts in first, and poured the rice back in. It fit perfectly. I think that illustration applies to almost every aspect of our lives as Christians. If we don't see the big picture, how are we going to accept our part in it?

I don't usually write such personal posts, but for some reason I felt I should start here. I'm fairly introverted by nature, and I have to consciously make an effort to be outgoing and friendly. I'm sure this stems from being home-schooled and not having much social interaction with people outside my own family. But, it's just another way to glorify God by putting to death my old "nature" and putting on the "new man." I've heard people say that it's not in their personality to go and share their faith with strangers. The thing is, I don't think it's in most people's nature to do that, and yet there are men and women of faith going out of their way every day to share the Good News. God doesn't call us to stay within the bounds of our "personality." He calls us to "go into all nations and preach the Gospel to every creature." That's a pretty blanket command, and He doesn't cite any exceptions.

I've also been thinking about the slightly more distant future. I mean, no offense to the Floridian guys, but I just haven't seen very many godly, decent, clean-cut guys my age here. If they're godly, they're beach-bum surfer-dudes, and if they're clean-cut they're probably legalists. Are there still guys out there that can be men? Do they intend to be the breadwinners of the family, or will they sit back and make the women work all day and try to raise a family and be a good mother and wife? Do they respect girls, stand up for themselves and their faith, and protect their families? Do they live to seek after God and become more Christ-like? Where can I find a man after God's own heart?

These are all questions I've had on my mind for the past year or so. It's not that I don't think God would bring me a good husband down here, because I do. But from the stories I've heard there are some really good, decent men to be found up there, too.

Anyway, it's late and I'm off schedule... another contributor to our dilemma of not having all our ducks in a row (the scientific term is a "severe non-linear waterfowl issue" ;) .

So, anyone who's reading this, please pray for me (and my family). I'm thankful for all the blessings God has given me. And I know it's only by His grace that we even have a place to live, so my fretting about the location isn't showing my gratitude very well.

Keep Looking Up,

~Kristina (John 16:33)