Who in the world can wear white? I certainly can't. Between ink, food, dirt and life in general, something will inevitably mar the pure visage of an all-white shirt. Don't even get me started on white pants.
But I want to be one of those girls who can flounce around carefree in a white summer dress. Riding a bike or just walking down the boardwalk as though nothing could happen.
That's just not who I am. I am the person who wonders if I look like a freak because someone asks me if I need any help at the grocery store. I feel the gazes of people following me as I try to nonchalantly navigate the tables of baked goods and aisles of canned vegetables. I can't be that freakish! Do I look angry? I try to soften my expression, crack a joke. It doesn't help. Why won't people leave me alone?
"You look good," says my mom. "Really?" I look in the mirror. "You look healthy, and happy." I had just been watching some funny videos of cats doing stupid things. That would be it. Maybe I should always watch stupid cat videos before I go out in public. I must always be wearing a scowl or something.
Maybe today I'll wear a dress. I don't have a white dress, but I do have a cute spring dress. It needs a belt or something. Do I have one that isn't too big or too small? Safety pin it is. What shoes can I wear? No sandals allowed at work, or bare shoulders. Ankle boots and a crop sweater. Looks a little strange, but, that's what you get working in an office.
"You look really nice today," says my fiance. Of course, I wear a dress and I automatically "look nice." I feel bloated and out of shape. Nothing like the pictures on Facebook of when I climbed the highest peak in New Mexico or worked 10 hours a day in the fresh air. To be tan and fit again. By October? I guess it could happen. If I'm going to get married this year something has to change.
Hungry. Nutella or carrot sticks? Coffee or water?
All of the above. Mistake.
It's 6:10 pm. Family will be expecting dinner by 7. Nothing is prepped. I'd be happy with a bowl of cereal. That's just me.
Remember when I used to read books? How long has it been, over a year now? Even my Bible lays neglected on the shelf by my bed. I try to justify not reading every day. Don't I already know enough to get by? I'll study it again someday. Yes, I really do want to read Isaiah and do word studies and look up the original Hebrew. Someday. Just not today. Not while I'm working and cleaning and cooking and waiting and wishing that things were different.
Inaction would be easier if I didn't know better. I never regret stepping out and doing something out of faith. Worst case, it's a lesson learned. Likely case, it's an experience I'll never forget. Best case, it will determine the course for the rest of my life.
Investment; time, money, brainpower, words. They all have a return, but of what? What kind of return does watching silly cat videos give? What kind of return will this give? Will it just sit in My Documents for me to read at some point in the future and feel guilty for not following through? Or will I make it into something more, post it somewhere? Who knows. I have to go make dinner.
Friday, March 13, 2015
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
180 Movie
Are you pro-life or pro-choice? Why? When is abortion OK? Is adoption the better alternative?
http://www.180.movie.com brings a new perspective to these questions and more.
http://www.180.movie.com brings a new perspective to these questions and more.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Untitled
A tear for time forever lost... a bittersweet smile for distant fond memories... eyes ever looking towards a life lived, not just survived... thinking how nice it would be if I had my own personal soundtrack playing in my head for inspiration... :)
Sunday, May 01, 2011
Learn'd Astronomer
When I heard the learn'd astronomer;
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me;
When I was shown the charts and the diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them;
When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,
How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick;
Till rising and gliding out, I wander'd off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look'd up in perfect silence at the stars.
-Walt Whitman
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me;
When I was shown the charts and the diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them;
When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,
How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick;
Till rising and gliding out, I wander'd off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look'd up in perfect silence at the stars.
-Walt Whitman
Friday, March 11, 2011
A Universe Fine-tuned For Life
Gravity is roughly 10^39 times weaker than electromagnetism. If gravity had been 10^33 times weaker than electromagnetism, "stars would be a billion times less massive and would burn a million times faster."
The nuclear weak force is 10^28 times the strength of gravity. Had the weak force been slightly weaker, all the hydrogen in the universe would have been turned to helium (making water impossible, for example).
A stronger nuclear strong force (by as little as 2 percent) would have prevented the formation of protons--yielding a universe without atoms. Decreasing it by 5 percent would have given us a universe without stars.
If the difference in mass between a proton and a neutron were not exactly as it is--roughly twice the mass of an electron--then all neutrons would have become protons or vice versa. Say good-bye to chemistry as we know it--and to life.
The very nature of water--so vital to life--is something of a mystery (a point noticed by one of the forerunners of anthropic reasoning in the nineteenth century, Harvard biologist Lawrence Henderson). Unique amongst the molecules, water is lighter in its solid than liquid form: Ice floats. If it did not, the oceans would freeze from the bottom up and earth would now be covered with solid ice. This property in turn is traceable to the unique properties of the hydrogen atom.
The synthesis of carbon--the vital core of all organic molecules--on a significant scale involves what scientists view as an astonishing coincidence in the ratio of the strong force to electromagnetism. This ratio makes it possible for carbon-12 to reach an excited state of exactly 7.65 MeV at the temperature typical of the centre of stars, which creates a resonance involving helium-4, beryllium-8, and carbon-12--allowing the neceesary binding to take place during a tiny window of opportunity 10-17 seconds long.
(From God the Evidence: The Reconciliation of Faith and Reason in a Postsecular World by Patrick Glynn, as quoted by Dave Hunt in Cosmos, Creator and Human Destiny)
The nuclear weak force is 10^28 times the strength of gravity. Had the weak force been slightly weaker, all the hydrogen in the universe would have been turned to helium (making water impossible, for example).
A stronger nuclear strong force (by as little as 2 percent) would have prevented the formation of protons--yielding a universe without atoms. Decreasing it by 5 percent would have given us a universe without stars.
If the difference in mass between a proton and a neutron were not exactly as it is--roughly twice the mass of an electron--then all neutrons would have become protons or vice versa. Say good-bye to chemistry as we know it--and to life.
The very nature of water--so vital to life--is something of a mystery (a point noticed by one of the forerunners of anthropic reasoning in the nineteenth century, Harvard biologist Lawrence Henderson). Unique amongst the molecules, water is lighter in its solid than liquid form: Ice floats. If it did not, the oceans would freeze from the bottom up and earth would now be covered with solid ice. This property in turn is traceable to the unique properties of the hydrogen atom.
The synthesis of carbon--the vital core of all organic molecules--on a significant scale involves what scientists view as an astonishing coincidence in the ratio of the strong force to electromagnetism. This ratio makes it possible for carbon-12 to reach an excited state of exactly 7.65 MeV at the temperature typical of the centre of stars, which creates a resonance involving helium-4, beryllium-8, and carbon-12--allowing the neceesary binding to take place during a tiny window of opportunity 10-17 seconds long.
(From God the Evidence: The Reconciliation of Faith and Reason in a Postsecular World by Patrick Glynn, as quoted by Dave Hunt in Cosmos, Creator and Human Destiny)
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